


Blossom

by princiere



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Comfort/Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy Ending, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 13:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16138307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princiere/pseuds/princiere
Summary: Bucky's still so new to the modern world, as he'd just learned how to use the internet & is still trying to understand "memes". But, what does he do when he meets you, someone that went against everything he was so used to back before the war?He immediately falls in love, of course.





	Blossom

**Author's Note:**

> *arrives late to the mcu hype w/ a shake* what, I was busy
> 
> oK so I suck at staying in character so if anyone is ooc then you're welcome to call me an absolute fool, a complete buffoon, in the comments asdhfkkg bucky just deserves some love ok??

For a while, after being recruited into the Avengers, James Buchanan _"Bucky"_ Barnes was convinced that he just wasn't cut out for the nicer things in life. He had his time to enjoy such trivial times -- like hanging out with friends back in the 40's -- but those days were over,  & now he was certain he'd never get to experience them again.

Until _you_ showed up.

You weren't exactly the bouncy & joyful ball of sunshine that Thor tended to be, but if Bucky had to describe it, you were the tranquil nightlight that kept the darkness he felt at a safe distance away from him. You never treated him as if his mere presence scared you -- quite the opposite, actually. You made sure he was listened to, & while you couldn't offer advice in terms of handling his trauma, you gave your own...special excuse, a couple weeks into meeting him.

"I personally don't think that people really need _advice_ when it comes to coping with problems like this." You made a vague gesture to your own head. "To me, as long as someone's willing to listen  & keep an eye out for things that could set me off, then I'll be alright."

Bucky couldn't help but question your word choice. "You...speak as if you're struggling with something yourself, doll."

"Yea, I've got depression." You admitted so nonchalantly that you almost scared _the_ Winter Soldier. "I'm better nowadays, 'specially compared to my teen years, but I still tend to get episodes. Got slight PTSD too, but I'll live."

Bucky's eyebrow perked up. "Erm...I'm not going to ask what hurt you, but I'd like to know...What would one need to look out for to prevent an...episode?"

Even in what Bucky considered a tense topic, you had the audacity to chuckle. "That's sweet of you." You commented. "I suppose the triggers would be..."

As you told Bucky what could send you into an episode if provoked enough, he couldn't help but think back to how...calm, you were about all this. "One more question." He spoke up. "Sorry, it's just...You're so calm about these things. How?"

He wouldn't be able to forget the gentle smile you gave him. "It took a long time, but I've come to terms with all that's happened to me. All those fears, they controlled me for so long that I realized...Will I ever be happy again if I continue to let my fears dictate me? Of course, I'm still cautious if I feel as though any of my triggers could be involved in future scenarios, but...I'm better, at keeping my fears under control. At least until I can call up someone to come help."

Bucky glanced down at his feet, but almost flinched when he felt your presence move a tad closer. "Don't force yourself to heal if you can't right now, Bucky." You assured him. "It'll only hurt more. Just take some time to look after yourself. Healing will come naturally. And hey,"

He finally looked back to you, feeling his chest pound at your soft gaze. "You can always come talk to me. I can't be helpful all the time, but I'll listen."

As you stepped away to attend to other business, Bucky felt that ache in his chest he'd only felt a few times prior to being recruited into the military.

He'd fallen for you. But this time, he was terrified.

×-♡-×

"What is... _that?_ "

Glancing over your shoulder, you almost laughed at Bucky's pointed gaze. "At least give a guy a warning before you walk in on him undressing."

You were in the locker room, about to prepare for your workout, & you'd just slipped your shirt off. Luckily, you still had pants on, but Bucky didn't seem to notice that part.

He suddenly coughed into his fleshed fist. "I-- Uh, sorry doll, I just--"

"I don't mind, I'm just teasing." You chuckled. "Now, what were you talking about?"

Bucky glanced just a little lower than your own gaze, & the realization kicked in. " _Ohhh_ , right, that's my binder."

"Binder?" Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Aren't those for paper?"

You laughed, "It has more than one meaning nowadays, Bucky. Have you...ever heard of being transgender?"

Bucky blinked a few times, & you took that for an answer. "I guess I can't be too offended, since you lived in times that seemed to...ignore, those kind of people."

"I-- Er, I'm sorry, it's just--"

"Hey, don't apologize." You stopped him. "I'm not taking it personally."

You glanced to your bag, contemplating. "Eh," You eventually shrugged, "I can skip a day. C'mon, I've got some things to teach you."

Slipping your shirt back on, you gestured for Bucky to follow as you left the locker room, walking with him to what he could only assume was Tony's lab. "Basically, being trans means that I was born in a different body than what I identify as. If you were born a guy & still identify as one, then you'd be considered a _"cis guy"_. However, I was born as a female, but a long time ago, I realized I feel more comfortable as a guy. Understand?"

Bucky nodded. "That sounds...upsetting, to be born as something you believe you aren't."

"You can say that again." You scoffed with a grin. "Sometimes I'm still considered a girl if people see me but don't hear me talk yet."

"Speaking of which," Bucky glanced to you, unsure, "uhm...How are you managing to sound like a guy? I mean-- I don't want to offend you doll, but--"

"No, no, it's alright." You reassured him. "It's alright to be curious about that. But I suggest not being invasive, like asking about anything involving what's in a trans person's pants. A lot of us don't like to be questioned about that kind of stuff, especially by strangers."

"Got it." Bucky nodded as you opened the door to Tony's lab. "Can I ask what we're doing here?"

"You'll see." You smiled. "Tony!"

One of the two men sitting at one of the desks glanced up from his work. "Yes?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Where do you keep my testosterone supplies again?"

"That would be me that knows that." The other man sitting in the lab spoke up -- Bruce Banner.

"Ah! Sorry Bruce!" You giggled, stepping over to were he sat, gesturing for Bucky to follow. Bruce noticed the soldier's rather tense stature.

"What can I help you with?" Bruce asked you. "Didn't you get your injection a couple weeks ago? You aren't supposed to get your next shot until next week."

"I just wanna show Bucky the setup."

Bruce glanced over to Bucky. "Deciding to learn some more about the modern world?"

You noticed Bucky grip the leather on the side of his pants -- he still felt compelled to wear that full-leather suit of his during the day. But if he was comfortable, why stop him? "I-- Uh..." He fidgeted, trying to explain. "I may have accidentally stumbled in on _____ while he was changing..."

Tony suddenly burst into laughter from the other side of the room, while Bruce smiled. You couldn't help but giggle. "I promise it's okay, I'm not mad at you."

Bucky nodded again, looking back to Bruce. The scientist decided to go grab your injection supplies, while you moved to sit on one of the desks. "So for my injection, I have to take it in the thigh." You gestured to your leg. "I usually take my pants off for it, but--"

"You don't get to see 'em just yet!" Tony butted in. "Not unless you start smooth-talkin' him."

You rolled your eyes. "Anyway..."

Bruce soon came back with the set. With some more explanation, you showed Bucky the process of your injection, showing him the small bottle as well. "It's filled with testosterone, which can do more than just deepen my voice." You smiled as you continued. "It makes me grow more body hair, it redistributes the fat in my body so I don't have as strong of an hourglass figure as I used to have, and--"

"Makes him horny as hell." Tony interjected again. "Also hungry as hell, which is why we adjusted his workout to fit his...metabolism spike as well. Speaking of which, did you do your workout today?"

"Him & Bruce are basically my dads." You whispered to Bucky.

" ______?_ " Tony spoke up, as if shaming a child.

"Uh, gotta go!" You got up, lightly gracing Bucky's flesh hand as you passed by, swiftly leaving the lab. "Gonna make some sick-ass ramen!"

Tony clicked his tongue with a smirk, never looking up from his work. Bruce smiled at this as well. "If I didn't know any better," Bruce teased, "I'd say he likes you."

Bucky felt his chest tighten. "I mean, he's usually not so calm about exposing himself or being exposed." Bruce explained. "I don't believe he's given Steve this _thorough_ of an explanation, either. He usually just leaves it up to whoever finds out to do their own research."

"He--" Bucky stopped to swallow. Why did he have so much trouble keeping himself composed when talking to you or about you? "Maybe he just feels bad."

"Nah, he felt pretty bad when Steve found out," Tony commented, "but he didn't talk about this to him the way he's done with you."

Bucky could feel his heartbeat in his ears. Bruce noticed his tension only worsen. "Everything alright, Bucky? You seem...preoccupied."

Taking a deep breath, Bucky shook his head. "No, I'm...I'm fine." He excused himself, leaving the lab before he could be questioned any further.

He had to talk to Steve, **ASAP**.

×-♡-×

" _Whoa_ , hey, everything alright?"

Bucky could feel his fleshed hand gripping & letting go of thin air. "Steve, we need to talk."

"Yea sure, is...everything okay?" He turned away from the stove, where he was preparing dinner for anyone in the tower that was interested.

Bucky glanced around to make sure no one was in listening vicinity. "I...I think I'm into guys."

Steve blinked, before smiling, "Is that what this is all about? Bucky, it's okay, the country is much more accepting of gay people than they were in--"

"No, Steve, _listen_." Bucky planted his hands on the kitchen island's counter. "I--...I think I like _____."

Steve blinked again, but didn't seem at all fazed by this second revelation. "If you're scared of whether or not he'll reject you, I know he's the kind of guy that won't stop hanging out with you even if he--"

" _Steve_." Bucky stopped him. "That's _not_ what I'm worried about. I-- He-- He's been through so much already,  & I barely know _anything_ about trans people! Even if he does like me, I-- I'm _terrified._ What if I hurt him? I _cannot_ & _never will_ forgive myself if I--"

" _Woah_ , Bucky, hey hey, it's alright." Steve moved so he stood at the opposite side of the island. "Look, just take this one step at a time, alright? Maybe...Maybe the library has some books in terms of trans people, & I'm sure there's tons of articles online that--..."

Steve paused when he noticed Bucky begin to tremble, glaring down at his hands. He wasn't crying, but neither of them were sure how soon that was going to change. "He mentioned he has depression & PTSD, & when I asked for his triggers, he said that one of them was emotional abuse." Bucky muttered. Finally, he looked back at Steve, the fear prominent in his eyes. "What if I say something wrong? What if I say something that sends him into an episode?"

Steve didn't respond right away, so Bucky glared down at his hands again. "I'm--" He noticed a shine from his... _metal_ hand. "I'm already terrified of what my arm might do if he gets any closer, but--..."

Suddenly, something slipped & fell to Bucky's metallic hand. He looked to Steve again, now speechless as hot tears finally spilled down his cheeks. Steve lips slightly parted in shock, but he closed them soon after. "Bucky, I still think it's best to take this one step at a time, okay? Do some research, take some time to think about all this, but most of all...Talk to him. He's very open-minded, I'm sure he won't mind talking about some of this with you if you'll just let yourself tell him about these concerns."

"But what if--"

"No more _what if_ s. That'll only make you stress out more." Steve stopped him. "It'll be alright. I'll come with you to do research, if you'd like."

As the tears slowed down & began to dry & stain Bucky's face, he just barely nodded. "Yea, I...I'd like that."

×-♡-×

"Mr. _____!"

Bucky glanced to the living room that connected to the kitchen. He was in the midst of making himself something for lunch, but he stopped when he heard the familiar spider-boy's voice call for you. You looked away from the show playing on the TV, & Bucky still felt himself grow embarrassed over how light he felt just from seeing your face alone.

"What's up, Peter?" You raised an eyebrow. "Got another binder problem?"

"No, no, just--" Peter suddenly burst into giggles, handing you his phone. Bucky wasn't sure what he was showing you, but knowing how well you & Peter bonded over what you called _"memes"_ , he could only guess where this was going.

Obscure references he wasn't going to understand.

Suddenly, you swung your head back, bursting into a hearty laughter that could rival Thor's. Bucky felt his chest clench, but he began to feel his heart swell in retaliation when he realized you weren't calming down.

He's heard of giggle fits, but he's never seen you experience one yet.

You kept giggling, glancing over to Peter. "Wha-- What the hell, Peter!" You barely got out through gasps for air. "Fuckin' _Danny Debeeto!_ "

Bucky still had no clue what this could mean -- perhaps it was more of a visual joke -- but he couldn't stop the tugging at the corners of his lips as you curled in on yourself, still giggling. You eventually threw your head back again, now emitting a snort as tears streamed down your face.

"Good job, kid," Steve walked into the kitchen, noticing the mess taking place in the living room, "you broke _____."

"I-- I'm sorry, it's just--" You broke into another fit, clapping your hand over your mouth in an attempt to calm down. Steve rolled his eyes, glancing to Bucky with a smirk as his friend appeared entranced.

Bucky was experiencing his own rollercoaster of emotions. Sure, what he'd felt for you lately could be considered more of an adoration or infatuation, due to how you never seemed scared of him & didn't mind teaching him about what's considered common knowledge these days, but--

Now...he was _smitten_. He was in _love_. The way you were always so peaceful when you weren't out on missions, the way you talked him through episodes  & just cared for him, & your laugh -- _oh_ , your _laugh_ \-- Bucky was already addicted to the sound,  & he wanted _more_. He wanted to be the reason you gave such a performance,  & now he was certain of his desires. No more _what if_ s, no more _but_ s -- he was now determined to get better & learn more about you, even if you never felt the same for him as he did for you.

If he could make you happy, lover or not, then he was _damn well_ going to try to accomplish that.

×-♡-×

It wasn't until a few days later that Bucky had the guts to flirt with you. Ever since he told Steve about these feelings, he'd occasionally tease Bucky for being so timid & nervous, when he used to be quite the flirt back then. He never took these to heart, but it did shock him when he realized this change in behavior.

Maybe it was everything that's happened since then that made Bucky so timid -- he was never quite sure. But he knew that if he didn't ventilate these feelings soon, it was going to kill him. Whether you took his advancements as flirting or not, he didn't care at this point.

However...the first advancement was not of his own doing.

It was late -- 2 AM, last time he checked -- & as usual, Bucky couldn't sleep, so he decided to wander around for a bit & hope his boredom would put him to sleep eventually. When he found himself at the entrance to the living room, he noticed the TV was on, casting a glow onto whoever was sat on the couch.

"_____?"

You glanced over your shoulder. "Hey Bucky." You smiled. "Can't sleep either?"

He nodded. "Just...not in the mood to deal with nightmares, I suppose."

You nodded in agreement. "Hey...I've never seen you outside your leather." You suddenly commented. Bucky then realized that, yes, while he wasn't planning on sleeping soon, he did change to what he usually wore for the night: some sleep pants & a thin sweater. You perked up at the change of clothes. "You look cute."

Bucky wasn't sure if you caught the flush on his cheeks. "That's...new." He chuckled, out of anxiety. "The last thing I'd consider myself would be _cute_ , but...thanks, doll."

You smiled at this, but raised an eyebrow when he leaned over the back of the couch, resting on his elbows for support. "While we're exchanging sentiments, I'll admit that...you're pretty good-looking yourself." Bucky glanced to you, trying his best at remaining smooth.

Even in the dim glow of the TV, he managed to catch something he didn't expect: you blushed, hard. "I-- Uh--" You stammered, now grinning like an idiot. "Thank you, Bucky. No one ever really...compliments me."

Bucky was offended over this, but quickly composed himself. "Well, I guess I'll have to change that."

You giggled, you _giggled_ , & his heart soared at the sound. "I'd like that."

×-♡-×

"Would you like for... _me_ , to do the injection?"

You tilted your head to the soldier you'd grown so fond of lately. "You want to do that?" You questioned.

"Well, these two seem pretty busy," Bucky gestured to Tony & Bruce, "and I'd say I'm not... _squeamish_ over them. If you can handle the shot but can't do it yourself, I don't mind helping, doll."

You glanced to Bruce, who was usually the person that did your injection. He didn't look up from his work while you guys spoke about him, which meant that yes, he was incredibly busy right now. Looking back to Bucky, you nodded. "Alright, just...gimme a sec. Bruce, what do you usually do with the supplies when you're done?"

"Toss 'em, but give me the bottle when you're done." Bruce explained without ever looking away from his work. "It's got information on there that I'll need to properly dispose of."

"Thanks." You nodded, looking back to Bucky. "Alright, let's go to the bathroom. I tend to bleed pretty bad after the shot, so we'll have first aid in there."

Bucky gave a curt nod, silently following you to the nearest bathroom. He shut the door behind the two of you as you set the toilet seat down, taking a seat there. "So you know how to give shots?" You inquired.

"Had to look out for each other in the war." Bucky explained as he got everything set up. You listened, before realizing something.

"Wait, gotta take the pants off."

Bucky felt his chest suddenly tighten, but he tried to stay composed. Christ, even after everything, he still had the hormones of a fresh adult, which wasn't helping the--...

Oh _god_ your _thighs_. Bucky began to feel the tension in his stomach as his mind suddenly filled with... _thoughts_ , but he tried his damn hardest to keep calm. They're just _thighs_ , they're a _part of the body_ , _this shouldn't be that big of a deal_ \--

But these were _your_ thighs,  & Bucky wanted more than just touching them in order to give an injection. He wanted...He wanted to--

He shook his head. No, _no_ , _stop_ thinking like that, this is just a _friendly_ gesture between two _friends_ , _stop thinking with your **dick** , James_\--

Bucky knelt down once everything was ready, focusing on a random patch of flesh you'd presented to him. "Do you...need something to hold onto?" He questioned. You glanced around for a bit, eventually looking back to him.

"Think you can work with one hand?"

Christ, were you _trying_ to kill him? Regardless, he chuckled, "I'm sure my left arm can do just fine on its own, doll. Here,"

He offered his flesh hand to you, ignoring the _fast as hell_ heartbeat in his ears when he realized how soft your hand was. You laced your fingers through his,  & Bucky had to physically force his gaze away from the gesture because he knew he'd be screwed otherwise.

"Alright, look away, doll." He instructed you. "You can grip as hard as you need to, by the way."

...

...

...

Once he was done, Bucky fully realized the situation, as if his brain hadn't overanalyzed the scenario already.

He was knelt in front of you, holding your hand, while you had your pants down. More importantly, he was now _dangerously_ close to--

Bucky stood up, gently taking his hand back before his thoughts could get any worse. He felt so... _rude_ , to think of you this way, but it was _nothing_ compared to what he'd been hiding for weeks now. He lusted for you, sure, but any affection from you sent his heart soaring.

So the simple action of you holding his hand so intimately sent his brain into overdrive. "S-Sorry, I just--" He stammered, trying so hard to remain calm when all he could think about was you, _you_ , _**you**_. _Your **touch** , your **gaze** , your **smile** , your **laugh** , your_\--

What would _kissing_ you feel like?

You tilted your head at his nervous behavior, so Bucky swallowed it all up & threw away the syringe & went to grab a bandaid. "Is...everything alright, Bucky?" You carefully asked. "You can talk to me, y'know."

"Yea." He nodded, finally unwrapping the bandaid. "Yea, I know, doll."

"Was this...too much?"

"No, no, just--" Bucky noticed the small red dot on your leg, & his caring nature took initiative before his nerves could. He gently placed the bandaid over the irritated skin, hoping that the disinfectant he rubbed over before the shot would be good enough to help the bleeding.

Probably not, but...Oh well.

"Bucky, _please_." You graced your fingers over where his hand stayed to press down the bandaid. "You've been really nervous lately. Is something wrong?"

He looked up to you, & the worry in your eyes finally hit him. Bucky was finally aware that...you cared, a _lot_ , maybe just as much as he did. But, at the same time, he just...couldn't look away.

You didn't comment on his staring. He blinked back to reality, & Bucky sighed. "I'm...I'm gonna tell you something, doll, but you...you promise you won't be upset?"

While you weren't entirely sure what he was planning, you nodded. Bucky visibly swallowed, his fleshed hand slowly turning over to take yours. The gentle grip he gave, coupled with his clear anxiety--

"I like you." He admitted. "I like you, hell I _love_ you,  & for a while I was terrified, since men lusting for men was scarily taboo back then. Then, I was scared because I knew jackshit about trans people, & I didn't wanna upset you, so I did a _lot_ of research, like you suggested. Now, I'm just--"

His grip on you tightened, just a little. "Now I'm terrified I'll hurt you, either by being stupid & triggering an episode from your PTSD, or hurting you due to my strength & this--this _god forsaken **arm**_ & just--"

"Hey, hey, Bucky, it's okay." You hushed him, squeezing his hand. "It's alright to be scared, but you shouldn't let it control you like this, remember? I...I understand your fears."

Bucky swallowed, unsure when his heart was finally going to give out from all the adrenaline. "Let's put one fear to rest right now, though." You spoke, recapturing Bucky's attention. With a smile, & a deep blush, you confessed, "I love you too, sergeant."

Suddenly, everything was still. "Wh...What?"

"I love you too, _James Buchanan Barnes._ " You giggled. "Now, about the PTSD & being scared you'll hurt me...Just talk to me about this, okay? I won't instantly hate you if you slip up & get stupid, because I love you & I know you didn't _mean_ to hurt me."

Bucky blinked, & he let out air he didn't know he was holding. He began to tremble, yanking you off the toilet & into his lap for a hug. You yelped at this, but didn't oppose to this, actually giggling a bit afterwards.

He'd never hugged you before, so the closeness warmed him immensely. Bucky audibly breathed, "I...I don't wanna let go."

You chuckled, hugging him back. "Then don't."

Neither of you were sure how long you stayed like this, but once Bucky had his fill, he finally pulled away enough to lean his forehead on yours. You giggled, as he was still clearly trying to process the whole situation. Carefully, you raised your left hand to cup his cheek, which he instantly snuggled into, clasping his right hand over the one on his face. "You don't know how long I've wanted this, doll." He admitted, smiling breathlessly.

"Same here. I was honestly just...worried, that you'd never recover enough to be interested in dating, and--"

Bucky stopped you. "No, no, if anything, _you_ were the reason I wanted to recover. Well, Steve too, but don't tell him you're the main reason."

Suddenly, you began to laugh, warming Bucky's heart in the process. He moved to cup your face, one hand obviously colder than the other, but you didn't care, as you still laughed.

Before you could calm down & catch your breath, Bucky pressed his lips to yours. You normally would've shut up then & there, but something about the entire situation kept you giggling during this. Even if you didn't relax into the kiss, Bucky completely fucking _adored_ how you were attempting to stifle your giggling so you could kiss him back.

You pulled away, still laughing. "Oh god, I'm sorry, it's just--" You kept giggling. "I...I didn't think this is how this would all play out, with my pants down & on the bathroom floor, I just--"

Bucky simply hugged you as you kept laughing, unable to hide his smile as you giggled in his lap. "Don't _ever_ be sorry for laughing, doll." He told you. "I'll _never_ get tired of hearing you be happy."

Despite your chortles, even as they calmed down, you blushed brightly at this. "Same..." You took a deep breath, finally done with your fit. "Same with you, James. Now, how about a _proper_ kiss, I kinda ruined our first one."

"That was _exactly_ how I wanted our first kiss to go though, love."

**Author's Note:**

> *sips the last of my shake*
> 
> well that was hella gay. just how I like 'em.
> 
> I might make more marvel stuff if I'm not too sucky at keeping their character intact. I've got some for loki, peter, & bruce in the works but I'm kinda nervous abt posting any more bc I'm still so new to the mcu,,,, pls forgive


End file.
